you should be supportive.

I thought a change would be good. I thought they always wanted me to change. I thought they would be supportive. I thought they would not think that way. Those thoughts are just thoughts yet the fact is they laugh, they tease and they never thought how I would feel. Finally, I know how great they are. I’m glad. It wasn’t me to over think on purpose but teasing is not fun. Teasing can be a joke but sometimes there’s always some seriousness behind a joke and it’s not funny at all. Just uutieff.

I’m on the last Friday night of this holiday. It sucks. Holidays always pass in an extremely fast way, I just don’t get why I can’t get a holiday that I think it worth it all. ;X well, for the first week of this holiday I did some really healthy stuff. Visited Rangitoto Island for 6 hours and being exhausted for the whole frigging next day.

View from the island.

Played badminton for the whole afternoon and having cramps at night. Bad cough and headache came along after these healthy activities. Went to Wellington with mum for a so call one day trip. Went to shopping with Selina and I fall into a flat that I would ever want yet it ran outta size. Then for the weekend I spent on food, sleep, dramas and work.

For this second week I went to McDonald almost like every day to rush my assignments. Since I have wasted the whole week before and this time imma work harder (iplanned). Unfortunately, I only get 2 essays done and I have one essay and two assignments to work on. I should not feel this way but to be honest, photography is driving crazy and it is not a good sign. So I went to city today with KH to meet up sis and went for a walk then off to New Market. Sis got a pair or shoe and I got my first pair of ear rings and I spent 85nzd on it.

Umm, pretty worth I suppose. Marc by Marc Jacob is the thing. :3

Anyway, I’m searching for new shoes. L I suppose every type of shoes will be great except for heels. ;X I need more shoes, more clothes, more jeans and more hoodies. I walked pass the beats shop in city today and I really wanted one. I have been craving it for about two years and is just so fucking annoying that I cant save any money. Also I walked pass a shop, a toy models shop and I saw the collection of Jack Skellington and I craving for one. Just cost so damn much and I just wish I can afford everything that I wanted to buy. As people always say 世上沒有不勞而獲 perhaps they are right.

Time to go, tar peeps. J

stop it, like seriously.

Don’t ask me what am I going to study in Uni. Don’t ask me why am I taking these random subjects together. Just don’t ask me why, what and how. I don’t know how to answer and I have never thought of those before. If I have a chance I would take a look at the future and so I could work hard from now on but no, it’s impossible. Gonna have subject choice done on the second week of term 3 and I have no idea what am I going study. I seem to be suck in everything just every single things and it is a disaster. A photographer? I cant have any new idea to take. A lawyer? Bad english language. Study business? What am I suppose to do in the future?! A sociologist? Bad english, Jess. ==

These fucking thoughts always pop out and it distract me, always. Not good girl, not good enough. I always wonder what’s the point of studying when the world just keeps changing in fact nobody cares about the history, the making off and the whatevers. What we study now don’t seem to relate back to this reality.

dont worry.

Within a week, I will get my two weeks holiday, ready for term 3 and the mock exams. Two assignments are due before this week and I am still blogging, working and wasting my time with some useless things. I’m shitty, I’m suck, I’m stress, and I’m tired. So tired… A life which fills with people more than people that I knew but all I feel was being left out, weird and just weird. I thought I have a better life than before, I thought I have a smile which is real, I thought this life was easy, and I hope things will be so much easier than now after.

Perhaps, everything will be fine.

honey, please show me your magic.

Three days, I have been coughing non-stop for three days. It sounds alright but actually not, talking to somebody when I cant actually hear what I am trying to tell others. Trying my best to deliver a message to a friend and they just don’t get it at all. Feeling so sleepy and sick during internal for the whole week. Try to concentrate during class but no. trying to get into a better sleep but the cough just woke me up. It sucks. All of these don’t work at all. It sucks real lot.

Everything is a mess even I am a mess too. One and a half week till holiday the end of term 2, I’m excited yet kinda depress. As everything is due, D;

Economic internal is on till this Fri, English creative writing assessment is due on next Tues, Sociology whole internal is due next Fri, Math test tomorrow, ArtHistory assessment checkpoint next Thurs and due on the first day of term 3. I wish time will just stop for a moment and let me get these things done. This is so hard. I miss the relaxing life I had before.

Just let it burn and make everything so smoothly like before.

#865.) i cant take it.

It has been nearly a month since I last post something serious. Life’s been busy since term 2 has started. Assignments are issued and internal is going on and assessment is due and so on… school works tend to take over my life this term, 11 weeks and I just realize there’s two weeks left, just like that, 2011 is half over.

So the prom of Rangi was on the 30^th of June and I wasn’t there. Actually im kinda regret for not attending that but still there’s one next year I suppose. Well, as people attend the ball I went to karaoke with Selina and Lydia. It was fun but the most exciting part was when three of us went to Starbucks and let the photo session started while other people were just staring at us with that weird eye sight. LOL! Got home around 11 and looking back through the photos we took I just thought of getting an iPad2 cause it helps to take awesome photos and those applications are so cool. Oh well, maybe I should just stop getting these stuff since money is no longer a thing to me anymore.

Money doesn’t seem to follow me more than a week. This is depressing and I dont actually know where I spent them on until the account balance is sent back to the house. Somehow, I just cant live without money and I need money to survive. D; ughhh, money can you just pop out in my wallet or maybe just increase in my bank account. ;C Maybe in my dream there will happened.

I need to face the fact. Money can’t buy you family, love or friends. Smile doesn’t mean you’re happy. Cracked up doesn’t mean it’s funny. Somehow, family will disappoint you and all you left is just depression.

Finally, after these years I’m sick. OFCIALLY SICK! Great.