this might happen to me.

what if things happen and it all comes to an end?
what if.


"Yes, I’ve been in love before. It was probably the most terrifying, yet most beautiful feeling I’ve had in my life so far. I’m sitting here trying to collect my thoughts about how to explain what it was like, but it’s almost impossible to describe. It’s one of those feelings you have that you simply can’t quite put into words. I’m not sure what i would call it now, because of how it ended. But there was a time when i could call it love, and when i felt it for the first time, i craved it more, and more. I would just look over at him, and my smile was so effortless. Every time i looked at him my breath was taken away. My heart would beat so quickly, and butterflies would flutter all around in my stomach. Everyday i spent with him was considered the new best day of my life, because i fell in love with him over, and over, and over again. He made me feel so worthy. Alive. Important. Good enough. Safe. Beautiful. Wonderful. He made me feel fearless. As long as he was next to me, everything was okay. I felt like i could conquer the world, and do anything that i wanted. He really was something. He touched a part of my soul that was never discovered until i met him. There was something about the way he looked at me that made me feel beauty. The way his arms comforted me, and made me feel secure. There was just something between us that i can never forget. Our story is seared into my memory, and i’ll never really understand what went wrong. It was out of our control i suppose, and It felt overwhelming at times. I remember we were crazy about each other at one point. There were days i felt like i couldn’t make it through without seeing him even if it was just for a minute, because that minute meant everything to me. He was all i could think about from the moment i woke up to the moment my day was done. I missed him. Every second, every minute, every moment, every hour, everyday. I truly missed him. Everything that i did reminded me of him. No matter what i was doing, i wanted him by my side. Even if i was doing nothing i wanted him near me, because doing nothing with him meant absolutely everything to me. It felt like a drug that i couldn’t stop taking. I wanted more, and i couldn’t stop craving. And last but not least, it felt like learning how to ride a bicycle. I was scared, but reckless. "
- tumblr.

20 thirteen.

leave the little pieces back in the past. Move forward with who you really want to be. Dont even try to put yourself in someone else's perspective. Life is just too short to have these judgement around I guess.

2013.
& just like that 2012 left me right here. trynna make me to face what I never wanted to face, TIME. time tick every time and there's no way you can bring it back. Just maybe we are suppose to make the most out of it as it ticks away second by second, hour by hour, day by day, weeks by weeks....
Had a New Year Eve at mine. Will invited the bros over, Car invited the siss over and parents invited the famfri. The party was pretty good except for the fucked up dogs trynna rape fluffy. that dog was annoying after all. Party without drinks this time all of us were totally sober. didnt talk much but i heard much more than I can imagine... got to play the ranking game from the bros. fireworks and bbq and bonding time. ohhhhh., time does fly.

from 2012,
graduated. moved on. realized. screwed up. gained fat. closer to the ones i never thought i would b close to. enjoyed the holz. those ups and downs were just hard to b remmebered again and i actually wouldnt want to listen to it anymore. every again. 2013 will make happy more than sad. 2013 will make a better year. it has a good start make it go on. :)

J.

loner?

last day of 2012 and I am back.

Let's just say the ups and downs that Ive gone through this year is way easier than what I got used to back then. I remembered back then it was the first time got back-stab, first time being ditch, first time being alone, first time being left behind from everyone you thought would be there for you. This year might be the same what I been through. Realizing being honest doesnt work on the immature kid, being mean makes me a bad person and ignoring makes me the fearless person. Guess is time to move on since tomorrow/ next year is a good head start to make things better.
ANYWAY,
dad's here, gone to a road/flight trip from Queenstown up to Wellington. It was tiring after all but worth it to spend the time with the fam. n i started to realize how MANY friends i have. Throughout the trip I found no one to text while I just stair at the sis n bro receiving message with the smile upon them yet Im there like an unsociable person. I do admit I dont have friends and who doesnt wants to have friends to share the little things with? I mean often people have the best friends around from high school but mine is just worse than the worst.
define friend. define the good memory without any friend.


J.

time to get it back together.

It's been so long and I miss blogging day and night and ignore judgment.

ohrighty, I will be back after my papers and stay tune if you are wanting to see more photos. :)

third of March.

Im still alive.
2012 has started more than three months and i havent blogged since last year's November.
The Summer holiday has passed and im glad that i went back since is their last year to be together and me to them. 2012 and i will be die in NZ rather than in Msia.
How's things lately?
things are different as usual. time flies and things just back and gone. *phew* sweating all around

ANYWAY, i miss them. :(

it's been a month.

hello there. :)

It's been a month since i last blog. Blogging used to be a part of my life last time but these days school works tend to take over my every interest. oh well! Let's just say time flies it really does. Within this month things change so quickly. I've finished 3 of my papers and 2 left. I had my birthday celebration. I have friends who are leaving. My sister gone back to M'sia. I officially braces free. :) One thing I feel weird about is myself. Things around me really change a lot yet I am still trying to loose weight, wishing so hard to get through every little things. However, here I am gone through so many things... good or bad. OH WELL!

Fluffy is so fluffy these days and i love her. <3

So in another month time I might be in M'sia enjoying my summer break with the besties. I cant wait to go back and meet them and annoy them all day long. :) Before these thoughts the first thing i have to go through is my other two paper. Sociology and Eco. OMFG! I just cant wait to go through them no matter how many credits I gotta have within this year. lol!

Anyway, I have to go now. Really need to start study for my last two papers and work starts! :)
Life has been pretty good. :3
and I will show you how good it has been through my face expression. heheeeee

Nicole dropped by and work on our video. :D

day before my braces off and day after. :)

right after a day and i put on my retainer. :D

later blog walkers. :D

less than 20 days.

let's speak out the truth.

Exam starts on the 10th and guess there isnt much time left...
I dont wanna do a countdown 'cause i know when i do it i will get real stress and doing more shitty stuff. im gonna b so fucked up if i really dont start my revision now. I dont get how can my time table be so like a mess. first two days then math then the last two days i got two papers. OMFG, like seriously do you have to do this to me?! To be honest, within this holiday i only spent one day to do my english, math revision. other than that, my folders are all staying at the same place. :x

Frankly, I dont know what happen to me... time pass by and all i left is the laziness dragging me around. like today... I spend my time on sleep, tv and musics. Doing these shits cheer me a little but when the exam approach I gonna be so dead and stress out. I knew it but i dont know why... nobody will understand me in a moment like this. - misery, fckedup, mindfucked and all shitty feelings just come to me. :X

I can't do it. This time is harder than any time I used to be in. It has the right to affect my future and it sucks. Nobody is pulling me up when I'm drowning so badly... the time table I made is so UGH!

I wake up every morning and I say to myself, - 

"just leave the memories behind and everything will be just fine."

yet, I didn't mean it at all.

原來我一直都還站在原地

matha eff-er.

I have no idea what was I posting in da previous post!
Life has been so hard and I miss having people that would go through the ups and downs with me at anytime.

10 years.

Time flies.

Now I realized how much we have grown and changed.

to better or worse? nobody knows. :x

WELL!
time to sleep and work hard tomorrow peeps.

have a great night dolls. :D

An idea.

*ignore this post if you hate bullshits*

Holiday has been gone for about 7 days, 9 days to go till this holiday ends then school for one and a half week then NCEA starts. I have a plan before this holiday yet I didnt actually follow it. The only thing I have followed was get my Learner done and hell to the yes! I've passed my Learner license. :) 

Anyway, let's talk about some other shits now. As people know there's always an idea behind everything, not matter what it is. Well for me I think behind a design there's always an idea that can not be explained. It will be explained until the artist say it out by him/herself.

I dont know why am I saying this but I used to think I was born for a reason or maybe an idea to deliver. People say I look like my dad and I really dont think I do. In fact, i thought i was meant to be someone like my dad but not physically. Until this holiday I realize who I really am in this family. A supportive member? A maid? A family that being used? An unknown? or maybe someone who related to you but you have no idea what's the truth of being born in a family. PHEW! I'm out of the topic maybe I shouldn't have talk about it.

ANYWAY! Imma get myself up and face the fact. The time is ticking away and there's not much time left which mean it is now the time to appreciate and do whatever is good for yourself but not for others. Sometimes, whoever you think they are nice; they are not but there are some exception. hmm...

OH WELL! time for some release and get your nerve prepared! :)

just realized this is my first photo which I smile without showing my braces. :)

guess is not that bad for you! :x

ciao...
.uoyotxobni'nidnesssimi

感謝愛人

Songs that never get old are hard to find. Yet I found two albums that I will never press the stop button.

Firstly, 李佳薇 a Malaysian that wins 星光7班 and just released her album [感謝愛人]. This album include 10 songs and truly 10 of them are amazing. She has a voice that I will never get over with. I'm so gonna get her album when i got back to M'sia for sure. 
Highly recommend you to listen to 分隔線 and 大火. She sings so well and I can honestly say every time i listen to her live through video all you can feel is that moment when your goosebumps stand straight up eventually.

分隔線 live by  李佳薇

_____________________________________

Besides, another album that I cant get enough with is 4 by Beyonce. Honestly, at first i think this album is kinda crap but after when you listen her song one by one it catches your ears.

I dont understand how she can actually dance so hard out when she's pregnant and she's gorgeous no matter what. Tell me who wouldn't sing her song when you're in karaoke. For me at least you have to sing two of her songs if not it doesnt count as karaoke. :X

In this album, I love a song named "I Was Here" and I can never go near the stop button. She's a great singer and she can do anything! Sing, dance, act and even her life is so happy with Jay-Z . :) *ootyrramretfaxes* heheee

This is a good song too! 

Just press play and you will never b regret w. it! :)

Anyway, gotta off and study for tomorrow's test now.

Hope you guys enjoy listening to musics and as we know music will never get enough in our life! :)

CIAO!

bye Sep.

Title says it all.


I have no idea what to blog but i just feel like blogging at the last day of September and on a Friday night. I should say almost every Friday nights i tend to stay alone in my messy room, do things that i shouldn't be doing, spend time on the same thing and just look at the books without getting a thing into my mind. O well, that's me I guess.


So I booked my ticket to go back Msia. In fact, I was so excited to go back at first but after i got it I'm like nothing even happened. Anyway, go back to the past I see nothing. Two months ago I asked her about my future and she said I still have plenty of time yet after two months all i got from her as a teacher was "you should have planned all these earlier! you're in year 12 and you dont even have your own goal yet!" My reaction was as usual - STARED. There's nothing much i can do i guess. As I grow older and older the time tend to tick faster and faster and it will never stopped. Is it simple or complicated? I got complicated now. :x



ANYWAY!
Let's see...
I have been working so hard with my photography portfolio and finally...
I'm done with it and hopefully I will get 'em printed in photography condition.
DARK ROOM! Imma come and visit you soon. :)
teehee.

a sneak peek for the viewers of what was I working on for the last few months.

Light bulbs, lava lamp and lights. :D

the day we got wasted and cam whore.

The first sleepover I ever organised in NZ and it was great. So the second day after mocks finished and almost the same people came to my place and planned to get a wasted night. Talk about the first day right after the mocks, I remembered we all went to karaoke which was the asian's love as always. There were 7 of us and we got high in da middle of da street and trynna do some random shits in Starbucks while there were more than 50 people. oh well! a part of teenage life anyhow. *Starbucks instead of drinking* Got back around 12 and I satisfied with it. :)

Continue with the second night, Thursday and no school on Friday. *woohoo* The girls came to my place around 8 and we started our lovely chat about everything and everyone. :D Guess it shouldn't be named as a sleep over in fact we didn't actually sleep. I mean they did but not me and Selina. Both of us just tended to chat whole night and non-stop until William wakes up off to school. lol.

Guess now is the time to let the photos do the talking.

*while they were chatting I shouted "cheese!" and they squeezed in. :) *

they are lovely. :D

We got crazy anyhow. :3

after the energy we got noodles as supper or maybe dinner i guess. :)

there were delicious but a lil too salty thanks to "Lydia"

waiting water to be boiled.

Aliens in da house. ewwwww

__________________________________________________

Woke up around 10 then off to McD for breakfast. :)

We were hyped! 

ALIENS everywhere. heheee

please ask 'em to go back to mars.

FINALLY!
I'm done with a photo post and if you're my weekly viewer,
you would definitely know it has been ages since I last blog something like this and I used to do it at least twice a week before. :x
As the time goes, people change. lazier , uglier, fattier and more dumb.













Allow me to give you a shock! :D
I dont give a damn with my imagine anymore. :p

teehee. :D

Somebody got wasted and the photo is secretly in my phone. :3

mocks.

There it just passed. Finally, I have finished my mocks exam and thank God I actually finish it although i know the result will be real crappy. Let's just say I did not even start to study until the night before an exam. As a result i failed most of my paper. So call a mock would not effect on my life I suppose. I remembered i did almost the same thing last year and i was way easier than this year. In fact, I really dont know what is going on with the school. those subjects just cant treat me as well as last year. well well well. this is just life isn't it.

Look at this photo:

a messy bed with a mess of dumb refill.

This photo clearly shows you i actually worked hard in my last paper which is Sociology yet all i got back the result was !@#$%^(*&. I dont even wanna take a real look with it. I feel like I just dont tend to give a damn with what is going to happen and this is so not good. :(

laugh, love, smile and we are family.

4th of September. 
it was father's day and i remember when my dad first said he was going to come i was so excited and i can't even stop smiling. :) to be honest, it has been few months since i last saw him and overall within a year I didn't get to see him for more than a month. how sad is that. anyway. just before the day he leave NZ and off back to M'sia was father's day. We actually didn't celebrate Father's Day with him for about two years and i can see how a dad actually need love from the family. Well, now let the photos do some talking due to the broken English I have.



 Red velvet cake with dark chocolate toppings



look how cute is my dad. :3
he's the cutest man ever. <3


anyway, imma off to study.
Eco tomorrow and i can't wait till Wednesday so i can get my freedom back at least for 2 weeks. :D
imma fight you!

these ain't right.

K. I'm done trying like totally.

So after today, four more weeks until mocks and I am totally stuck with economic, art history and sociology. 3 out of 6. just damn. a moment like this will never let me have a break. within these two weeks of schooling, i think i did not even get an average sleep hours for a day. As in today I slept for 10 hours like finally. I love Friday, it allows me to sleep away the sadness, stress and worries until Saturday. For hell's sake, if you wake up with a really good mood but it all being ruined due to one reason. Two women in the house having menstrual at the same time. Today, I finally realize how could it be when it happens. The arguments over the little things, the what the fck look from both of them make me feel like shit.

Today's routine was just the same as how every Saturday was. awake, eat, slack, homework, fluffy's bath time, slack, homework, work then eat, bath, slack, homework, and time for some sweet sleep. Compare to weekdays, i prefer weekdays.. wake up, school, lunch, real short nap, slack, homework, dinner, slack, homework and bath then homework and sleep. Almost everyday weekdays i did that unless i get to go out. To be honest, i am broke.

this life is getting harder to get used to. Things are so much different then how it were. I miss the old times when I just worry about nothing and do whatever I want even though I am not suppose to do so. There were memories, I wonder how are things going on back there. The people, the place, the weather and the everything. Sometimes, I choose not to care but when I'm trying my best not to care there will be someone coming out and remind me of those little things. It is alright, perhaps things will be okay when time goes by. :)

bee zi la.

be who you really are.

you are

Seriously, I shouldn't be blogging on a Tuesday night where I have my math test tomorrow. Calculus test and I can never get Excellent for it. Achieve could be 100% sure but the 50% of Merit just making me insane. I have been working so hard out in math these days but guess what. I just dont get it thru at all.

I just realize most of the time I blogged about my school life instead of my own reality life. oppsy! In fact, I can't find anything interesting in my life other than these things. Anyway! My dad is here. He arrived on Sunday the 28th and he bought 90kgs things. NO! I did not type the wrong number. IT IS NINETY kgs. He bought at least 6 bottles of Sticky, 15 boxes of Royce chocolate, 4 Toblerone and etc. I am glad that he finally bought my teddy here! :) a gift from the love ones. TJY, TCW &TKH if im not wrong. lol! It has been more than a year since I got it. This is a huge one, doodolls! who wouldn't love 'em. They are soft and comfy. :D Besides, daddy bought a digital camera which is always the same model as usual and last but not least a Film SLR that I keen for ages. got a film and got the camera but the problem is i have no idea how to use it. heheeeeee.

Oh well! Imma try my best to expert with my DSLR first tho. So after two days of slacking for dad and his friends. They are now in upper north which he goes every time he comes. I love my family so much that i just can't stop pitching their faces for more than a week. heheeee

Gonna off to bed soon after another test revision paper for Calc. tata peeps. :D

the hang out. :3

Let me refresh my mind…

Sunday, 15^th of August. Got out with the Taiwanese that I would never get annoy with, Selina and Kevin. Woke up at 10 and I smell FOOD! Damn it, mum was cooking asam laksa which I could never resist of. Heheee, this is the reason why am I so fat and never get skinny. I have a GREAT cook at home. :3 Anyway, back to the hang out. Selina came to my place around 12 and pick Kevin up from BK to go to Wairau. We planned to go and have dim sum but we ended to go and have a Vietnamese brunch. J it was great. Then rushed to Albany mall to catch up the movie time for “Rise of the Planets of the Ape” unfortunately we took too long to have our brunch. So we just chose to watch KF panda which was pretty boring. :x The hang out ended around 7 then got drive back home by Selina’s mum.

Photos of the day.

Taken from a HTC.

Taken from a BlackBerry.

And it is obvious that my BB wins. J

fly away.

I wish I could just tell you guys what we were last time. We weren’t in a relationship. We weren’t just friends. Perhaps a flirtationship. Then now both of us are just strangers. A total stranger. I wish they understand. I’m terrified. I’m afraid of awkward moments and the starred moment. Just not right. I don’t like it when they keep mentioning over the same freaking guy when it was totally a past. I tried to get over it but please just stop mention about the same thing when it just starts to get more boring than before. When it comes to this way, it is not a joke anymore. It starts to be annoying, people. Stay clear as crystal. Things tend to stuffed up and like seriously.

Going to the mid of term3’s week 1 and im struggling with subject choice for next year. Advises from them are fcked up and it almost the same as last year. Not good. Is always bad to go into a high school which accept international students. THEY ARE SO DAMN RACIST and nobody bother to complain about it. I’m wondering what am I going to be in the future. I have not much problem until this education thing is surrounding me. Im going to have subject choice done by this week and an English internal also the Art History. Omfg. I just realize I have to resit my Sociology assessment that I did last term and it was like a month ago. How am I supposed to remember with zero memories? DAMN!!!!! cbs dah.

Wing ring. J

you should be supportive.

I thought a change would be good. I thought they always wanted me to change. I thought they would be supportive. I thought they would not think that way. Those thoughts are just thoughts yet the fact is they laugh, they tease and they never thought how I would feel. Finally, I know how great they are. I’m glad. It wasn’t me to over think on purpose but teasing is not fun. Teasing can be a joke but sometimes there’s always some seriousness behind a joke and it’s not funny at all. Just uutieff.

I’m on the last Friday night of this holiday. It sucks. Holidays always pass in an extremely fast way, I just don’t get why I can’t get a holiday that I think it worth it all. ;X well, for the first week of this holiday I did some really healthy stuff. Visited Rangitoto Island for 6 hours and being exhausted for the whole frigging next day.

View from the island.

Played badminton for the whole afternoon and having cramps at night. Bad cough and headache came along after these healthy activities. Went to Wellington with mum for a so call one day trip. Went to shopping with Selina and I fall into a flat that I would ever want yet it ran outta size. Then for the weekend I spent on food, sleep, dramas and work.

For this second week I went to McDonald almost like every day to rush my assignments. Since I have wasted the whole week before and this time imma work harder (iplanned). Unfortunately, I only get 2 essays done and I have one essay and two assignments to work on. I should not feel this way but to be honest, photography is driving crazy and it is not a good sign. So I went to city today with KH to meet up sis and went for a walk then off to New Market. Sis got a pair or shoe and I got my first pair of ear rings and I spent 85nzd on it.

Umm, pretty worth I suppose. Marc by Marc Jacob is the thing. :3

Anyway, I’m searching for new shoes. L I suppose every type of shoes will be great except for heels. ;X I need more shoes, more clothes, more jeans and more hoodies. I walked pass the beats shop in city today and I really wanted one. I have been craving it for about two years and is just so fucking annoying that I cant save any money. Also I walked pass a shop, a toy models shop and I saw the collection of Jack Skellington and I craving for one. Just cost so damn much and I just wish I can afford everything that I wanted to buy. As people always say 世上沒有不勞而獲 perhaps they are right.

Time to go, tar peeps. J