this might happen to me.

what if things happen and it all comes to an end?
what if.


"Yes, I’ve been in love before. It was probably the most terrifying, yet most beautiful feeling I’ve had in my life so far. I’m sitting here trying to collect my thoughts about how to explain what it was like, but it’s almost impossible to describe. It’s one of those feelings you have that you simply can’t quite put into words. I’m not sure what i would call it now, because of how it ended. But there was a time when i could call it love, and when i felt it for the first time, i craved it more, and more. I would just look over at him, and my smile was so effortless. Every time i looked at him my breath was taken away. My heart would beat so quickly, and butterflies would flutter all around in my stomach. Everyday i spent with him was considered the new best day of my life, because i fell in love with him over, and over, and over again. He made me feel so worthy. Alive. Important. Good enough. Safe. Beautiful. Wonderful. He made me feel fearless. As long as he was next to me, everything was okay. I felt like i could conquer the world, and do anything that i wanted. He really was something. He touched a part of my soul that was never discovered until i met him. There was something about the way he looked at me that made me feel beauty. The way his arms comforted me, and made me feel secure. There was just something between us that i can never forget. Our story is seared into my memory, and i’ll never really understand what went wrong. It was out of our control i suppose, and It felt overwhelming at times. I remember we were crazy about each other at one point. There were days i felt like i couldn’t make it through without seeing him even if it was just for a minute, because that minute meant everything to me. He was all i could think about from the moment i woke up to the moment my day was done. I missed him. Every second, every minute, every moment, every hour, everyday. I truly missed him. Everything that i did reminded me of him. No matter what i was doing, i wanted him by my side. Even if i was doing nothing i wanted him near me, because doing nothing with him meant absolutely everything to me. It felt like a drug that i couldn’t stop taking. I wanted more, and i couldn’t stop craving. And last but not least, it felt like learning how to ride a bicycle. I was scared, but reckless. "
- tumblr.

20 thirteen.

leave the little pieces back in the past. Move forward with who you really want to be. Dont even try to put yourself in someone else's perspective. Life is just too short to have these judgement around I guess.

2013.
& just like that 2012 left me right here. trynna make me to face what I never wanted to face, TIME. time tick every time and there's no way you can bring it back. Just maybe we are suppose to make the most out of it as it ticks away second by second, hour by hour, day by day, weeks by weeks....
Had a New Year Eve at mine. Will invited the bros over, Car invited the siss over and parents invited the famfri. The party was pretty good except for the fucked up dogs trynna rape fluffy. that dog was annoying after all. Party without drinks this time all of us were totally sober. didnt talk much but i heard much more than I can imagine... got to play the ranking game from the bros. fireworks and bbq and bonding time. ohhhhh., time does fly.

from 2012,
graduated. moved on. realized. screwed up. gained fat. closer to the ones i never thought i would b close to. enjoyed the holz. those ups and downs were just hard to b remmebered again and i actually wouldnt want to listen to it anymore. every again. 2013 will make happy more than sad. 2013 will make a better year. it has a good start make it go on. :)

J.

loner?

last day of 2012 and I am back.

Let's just say the ups and downs that Ive gone through this year is way easier than what I got used to back then. I remembered back then it was the first time got back-stab, first time being ditch, first time being alone, first time being left behind from everyone you thought would be there for you. This year might be the same what I been through. Realizing being honest doesnt work on the immature kid, being mean makes me a bad person and ignoring makes me the fearless person. Guess is time to move on since tomorrow/ next year is a good head start to make things better.
ANYWAY,
dad's here, gone to a road/flight trip from Queenstown up to Wellington. It was tiring after all but worth it to spend the time with the fam. n i started to realize how MANY friends i have. Throughout the trip I found no one to text while I just stair at the sis n bro receiving message with the smile upon them yet Im there like an unsociable person. I do admit I dont have friends and who doesnt wants to have friends to share the little things with? I mean often people have the best friends around from high school but mine is just worse than the worst.
define friend. define the good memory without any friend.


J.

time to get it back together.

It's been so long and I miss blogging day and night and ignore judgment.

ohrighty, I will be back after my papers and stay tune if you are wanting to see more photos. :)

third of March.

Im still alive.
2012 has started more than three months and i havent blogged since last year's November.
The Summer holiday has passed and im glad that i went back since is their last year to be together and me to them. 2012 and i will be die in NZ rather than in Msia.
How's things lately?
things are different as usual. time flies and things just back and gone. *phew* sweating all around

ANYWAY, i miss them. :(